Being broken makes baby Cthulhu cry
It was a month after Version 2.0 popped out of Mrs. G’s belly, and?ma and pa had come to do the things that grandparents do when their children have children. My dad and I were sitting on his truck’s trailer hitch, shooting the breeze. Him with his Busch Lite, me with a Diet A&W Root Beer. Then he looks at me quite seriously and says, “Y’know?son, If you ever need anything, you know you can call and we’ll come out and help.”
So I think about this for a second, and I say, “Y’know dad, there is something you can help me out with.”
I then ran up?the stairs to my office, and came back with a green mess of plastic in a cardboard box. My dad looked at the box, then at me, then at the box again with?his usual WTF??!!11 and?”Are you really my son??” looks.
“It’s my Limited Edition Wizkids Cthulhu” I said. ” and he’s broken.”
I then launched?into my story about how he’d arrived from?a particularly slickly sniped eBay auction with?half of his spines busted into several pieces each, and how?his front leg was kinda messed up, and how I tried to fix him, and he broke?even more, and then my theory about how if?I drilled out?the broken pegs and replace them with metal rods, or dowels, or something, that would surely fix?him up good,?right? Wouldn’t that be a good way to fix him?
Pa picked him up roughly and I winced, waiting for one of the spines I?had painstakingly glued back together to shatter into?millions of pieces. He looked at?Cthulhu’s feet, and the base, and said:
“Get some JB Weld. They fix engines?with it.”
I?reminded him about the great idea with the dowels and?drilling?and wouldn’t it be better if I used the JB?Weld and the dowel and the drilling? Wouldn’t that, y’know, make it stronger?
“You don’t need any of that crap. Just?smear JB Weld all over it and it’ll be?fine. They fix engines with it.”
The next day, after I came home from work, and he’d been drywalling and otherwise kickassifying my house, he said: “Here, I?got a present for ya, some of?that JB Weld.” He then told me the story about how they fixed a tractor engine with it. I looked at it later, and I’ll be damned, there’s a story, right on the package. They really do fix engines with it.
I didn’t get around to fixing?it till tonight, but here’s?what happened…
Sad, broken Cthulhu.
I fixed these so well, you can’t even tell!
Hey look! I drilled it out, and put some dowels in there! (I actually chose wood vs steel because I thought it was more important for the surface to be porous, than strong. Time will tell.)
The glop… and how did Tanga sneak in there?
For the skeptics…
Almost there!
Yes! The sleeper has awakened!
